Teach me how to feel
by green smurf
Summary: A short song fic. This is dark and features adult themes. Draco GinnyForgot to put in a disclaimer! OPPS! Song is mine! Characters belong to JKR, Warners Bro's etc


**Teach Me how to Feel**

**Authors Notes: **This is a story I wrote a long time ago, back when I was suffering through depression- I've updated and revised it to (hopefully) make it a better/ more cannon read. Depression and suicide are considered taboo by many and because of it lives that shouldn't be lost are. I've lost 2 friends to suicide, one of them just a few months ago, which prompted me to write this story again. Please, please, please, if you are suffering tell someone, write it in a story, poem or journal, and don't keep it inside. There's help out there and wether you believe it or not, people DO care.

This is for Ryan and Blair; I wish it could have been different, For Michael; who understood and helped me heal, and for Robbie for watching and protecting me from relapse.

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_Sometimes I cut myself just to feel the pain  
Alone at night I watch the falling rain  
Without you is my life worth living  
You showed me what it is to feel  
Now can't you help me heal._

He watched the blood weal up from the incision he had made across his forearm, felt the sting of the cold metal- its cool hateful embrace and he felt he deserved it. Since the end of their relationship he had felt numb. He was no longer Draco Malfoy, leader of the Slytherins. He was no longer committed the sins of which his first education had disposed him, but he still had his sins.

He had been running, running away from the Dark Lord, running away for his father and more importantly running away from himself. She had every reason to hate him, to turn him in, or to take revenge on him herself, instead somehow her soul had understood his in a way that didn't translate into words.

_Remember the night you held me so close  
you took away my fears  
your arms my shelter from the world  
you brushed away my tears_

People- until she had taught him otherwise- had been a means to an end. He used them to gain sex, money and power. She had showed him that ending his own life would be a permanent, unchangeable solution to what was a temporary problem.

For reasons he couldn't understand she had loved him, she had taught him what love was, he had just never learnt to love someone else properly.

_You showed me what it is to love  
Can you heal my broken heart  
Because I know without you near me  
My world will fall apart  
I'm broken can't you help me heal  
I crave your loving touch_

His need for her had become insatiable, his want for her uncontrollable. Then she was the one running. Saving herself from a relationship that would have destroyed her. Then the war came and she was gone, and he was now, more than ever truly alone. Before her he hadn't known any better, his solitude was welcomed, now he knew life outside of solitude and he wished he didn't have that knowledge.

_Off in my own world again  
yet for once here I feel alone  
my life is overwhelming me  
can't you take away the pain?  
I'm longing to be free once more  
Can you unlock my gilded cage  
Help me find my wings again  
My heart is filled with rage._

He wasn't sure how to be anymore, he didn't know who he was without her and he hated that. He hated those simpering fools who needed someone to 'complete' them. He hated himself, he hated his guilt, he hated not knowing exactly what he wanted when he wanted it, and he hated his weakness. He wished she could still be here to teach him again. This time he would learn.

_I need you near me  
I need you in my life  
I can't face the day without you  
My being is wrought with strife  
Teach me what it is to feel again  
I'm longing for it please  
Show me how to love you  
I'm begging on my knees_

He slashed more viciously, revealing in the action, rejoicing in the harsh sting, the satisfying deserved pain. Deeper this time, feeling the blood flow out with his life.

_Sometimes I cut myself just to feel the pain  
Its the only feeling I know  
Sometimes I watch the falling rain  
because I know what it is to fall  
I've lived my life alone  
But now I'm longing for your love  
Can you teach me what it is to feel._

He could almost feel her now, his souls felt like it was awakening even as his body was dying.

_Without you is my life worth living?_

_Ginny…._

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**A/N: **The story may pose the question without you is my life worth living- the answer is always yes. Hard as it is to see, somewhere out there is hope, don't give up on it. 


End file.
